Ask Christopher West

When Your Child Rejects Faith, Navigating NFP Fears, and Learning to Trust Men After Abuse | ACW326

March 31st, 2025  |  56 mins 12 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. My eldest son is nearly 20, and he told us 2 years ago that he doesn't believe in God, which was incredibly heartbreaking for my husband and me. He is, however, respectful of our faith. He has a girlfriend, and they have been dating for about 4 months. She's just moved to another state to study at a university, which is about 4 hours from where we live. He's looking forward to visiting her in the next few weeks. He's planning on staying with her when he visits, which seems to him like a completely practical thing to do. How do I broach the topic of chastity and avoidance of sin with someone who doesn't claim to believe in God? I want to find a way to speak truth to him, even if it only plants a seed for the future. Any ideas or wisdom from your experience as parents and years of ministry would be greatly appreciated.
2. My wife and I are in our mid-40s. We have 4 kids ages 17 to 11. We also have 2 in heaven from a miscarriage and a premature birth. The 11-year-old was our last pregnancy. We've used NFP ever since to avoid pregnancy, but it has been challenging for our relationship with just a few days per month that we feel safe to have sex. All these years, I've been honoring my wife's reluctance and fear of another pregnancy, but I never realized my own until today. We're left to believe it is our responsibility to avoid getting pregnant because God will give us more kids whether he should or not if we give him the opportunity to. I think he's reckless about giving out children and doesn't consider the toll it could take on us. I'm not proud of this confession, and I doubt it is a good way to think of NFP. I guess I'm asking for help to see things more clearly. I should add that my wife has had hard pregnancies and deliveries, and having this 11-year gap only heightens our fears about another pregnancy. But it is not like doctors ever told us we should avoid getting pregnant or risk serious health consequences. We've just been afraid to keep going through the hardships that come with new life. We can keep up the cautious NFP approach, but it feels a lot like we're not trusting God and we're holding back from each other. I don't know the right way to think about this, and it has been a long time of uncertainty.
3. I am a 29-year-old single woman, and I come from a family with a history of sexual abuse. Some of my siblings were sexually abused by my dad. I was also sexually abused, though it was by one of my brothers when we were younger. My brother is sorry for having done this and has sought reconciliation with both me and the church, and I have forgiven him. Growing up, my mom always said that a man and a woman should never be alone together if they're not married because, quote, something could happen. I realize this might be a prudent way to live, and with everything that has happened in my family, I can understand why my mom says this. However, because of all these things, I find myself having a hard time trusting men or knowing how to relate with them without being, I think, overly cautious. Most of the friendships I have with men tend to stay at the surface level because I don't know how to open myself to them. I really want to be able to have deep relationships with men, but I also don't know how deep is too deep. Do you have any advice on how I can learn to trust men and to open myself up to having deep, intimate friendships with them? How do I know if I'm crossing over into a place of going too deep, and would it be best to wait to date a man until I've learned to not have these thoughts of what he might do constantly at the back of my mind?

Navigating Family Conflict Over NFP, Letting Go of a Love That Still Lingers, Finding Intimacy in a Celibate Marriage | ACW325

March 24th, 2025  |  54 mins 16 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. Dear Christopher and Wendy, thank you for all you do. For context, my husband and I are expecting a baby again for the third time in less than three years, despite our best efforts to practice NFP. I am exhausted and facing potentially serious health concerns. My parents have never understood our stance against contraception, despite being Catholic themselves, and have always tried to persuade us to use it. Things came to a nasty head recently when we announced our latest pregnancy, and we had a major fight. My father says Catholics are not bound by the teachings of Humanae Vitae and are thus free to practice contraception because it is not, quote, ex cathedra doctrine. How do I respond to this? My dad said some very hurtful things about my husband and me. I don't know what to do. I held my ground during the argument, but now I'm starting to doubt myself. Please help.
2. I'm a 20-year-old college student who truly started choosing Christ in my first year of college. In high school, I was in sinful relationships, but when attending a Catholic college, I wanted to stop that. Everything changed when I met a girl who inspired me to pursue sainthood, and I knew I needed to grow in virtue to date her. After seven months of waiting and growing, we began a Christ-centered relationship. But it ended after a month and a half when she chose to discern religious life. Two years later, I still struggle to move on. I've mistakenly entered other relationships hoping to forget her but constantly find myself thinking of her and comparing potential partners and even friends to her. Deep down, I don't want to let her go and feel drawn to reach out, remembering the Christ-filled joy our relationship brought to both of us. My question is, should I let go or should I pursue this relationship?
3. I've been married for 21 years. On our honeymoon, my husband suffered an injury that made sexual intercourse extremely difficult and eventually impossible for him. We have seen doctors for treatments that were unsuccessful and very embarrassing for my husband. In time, we realized it was not going to get better, and it hasn't. By God's grace, we were able to have one child, but marital relations between us have not been possible for over 17 years. My heart aches and longs for this affection from my husband, but I long ago accepted the fact that our marriage is celibate and always will be. In the early days, we fought about this all the time, mostly because he avoided physical contact with me so as not to arouse himself, and I felt very rejected. He's never really liked to talk about this as he finds it very difficult to share his emotions. I used to pressure him to talk, but I've learned that that just isn't his way. I've also learned to see the many other ways that my husband loves me through his acts of service and dedication to our family. He is a wonderful husband, and we love each other deeply. Our strongest connection is our Catholic faith. I experienced a very deep conversion back to my Catholic faith a few years after our marriage, and this has helped me to mature and grow a deep intimacy with God. Even though I have that intimacy with God, I still at times feel so very alone with this cross and have spent most of my marriage feeling as though my husband doesn't desire me, as if he doesn't miss the intimacy because he won't share his pain with me. I have recently begun reading a book, The Cantata of Love, a commentary on the Song of Songs. The imagery in the poem is so beautiful, and it has reawakened in me again the feelings of how much I miss my husband. This part of me I mostly shut down because it's too painful to keep revisiting those unmet desires. It feels a bit like, why torture yourself by reading this? At the same time, I realized that the poem is also an allegory of the love between the bridegroom and the bride, Jesus and my soul. I wonder if you have any experience with people in similar situations and what has helped them.

Struggling in the Marriage Bed, Resenting Other Mothers, and Attraction to Female Saints | ACW324

March 19th, 2025  |  55 mins 13 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

1. Hi, Christopher and Wendy, thank you for this podcast and your ministry. It has changed my life. I have a rather delicate question, but I guess I don't know whom else to turn to. I can help you. I've been married for a few years now to my wonderful bride. I have struggled with self-esteem and self-confidence issues since childhood, and that is still the case today. My delicate question concerns the marriage bed and sexual intimacy. In the few years we've been married, my wife has only reached climax 3 or 4 times. This hurts my heart deeply. When I ask what I can do or should do to aid in this, she simply says, I don't know, or it's fine. I don't need the climax. My wife loves me deeply, and the same is true of my love for her, but it bothers me greatly that she won't talk to me about it or that she seems to not care. I feel like less of a man. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
2. My journey to motherhood has been challenging—seven years of infertility due to PCOS leading to surgery, an unexpected C-section, and last October, an ectopic pregnancy. As I tried to cope with the loss of my baby and feelings of helplessness due to emergency surgery and the loss of a damaged fallopian tube, I felt so embraced by our Mother as this loss coincided with the arrival of Advent, a promise of hope. I almost heard my child say, "Why were you looking for me? Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?" I’m truly grateful for the sacraments, as I have personally felt resurrected from this difficult cross through reconciliation and spiritual guidance. Today during Eucharist on the Feast of the Presentation, I felt compelled to actually give my child to God—to present him. Until now, I felt like God had taken him. Though I see the graces the Lord is giving me, even in my suffering, I do continue to struggle with feelings of isolation as I grieve the loss of my baby and my fallopian tube. How can I overcome the tendency to resent other women, and how do I regain the courage to embrace being open to life when, as the Gospel says, a sword has pierced my heart?
3. I'm a 24-year-old man, and I've been discerning a conversion to the Catholic faith for the past two years. I'm currently in the process of getting confirmed, thanks in no small part to your podcast. Thank you for everything you do and the passion with which you do it. Through my journey into Catholicism, one of the most appealing aspects of the Church has been the communion of saints. The friendship of these extraordinary spiritual leaders has been so impactful to me and has been an incredible source of encouragement. As my confirmation approaches and I consider who I'll choose to be my patron, I've realized that almost every saint I've developed a devotion to is a woman. Women like Saint Elizabeth, Mary Magdalene, and Joan of Arc are so insanely powerful, with such varying and glorious expressions of femininity. I find I can't help but be drawn to them. I'm wondering if I have an inordinate attraction to female saints over male saints. Should I get more guy time in my devotions? Is it natural to be drawn to attractive women regardless of centuries-long gaps in time?

Heartbreak and God's Plan, Morality of Body Hair and Medical Ethics, and Understanding Foreplay in Marriage | ACW323

March 10th, 2025  |  52 mins 25 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. I'm a 25-year-old man, called by God to marriage. Two years ago, I met a girl who helped in the same parish as me, and I fell in love with her. After a few months, we spoke about it, but she kindly rejected me. We lost contact, and I went through a deep crisis of faith. I felt abandoned, extremely and hopelessly alone. After a time, I came back to her city, and we served again together in the same parish. Shortly after, she broke up with her boyfriend and asked me to continue our friendship. She made it clear that although she was open to us having a romantic relationship, I should not expect any concrete outcome to the friendship. I accepted the challenge, and for a year, we struggled to learn to love each other as close, tender friends, embracing with all our hearts whatever God would want from us. Together, we tried to follow the example of Francis and Clare of Assisi. Recently, she told me that she felt the call to consecrated virginity and decided to go to another country to discern this more intensely. My heart reacted to this news with immense joy. I experienced my friend’s happiness as my own and felt the grace of God flowing from her heart. This friendship has healed the wound of that hopeless loneliness I felt when she first rejected me. My deepest desire is her happiness, and I know she will find it—whether with Christ or even with another man. But somehow, the secondary desire remains—that she would be the mother of my children and the companion of my dreams. I know we’ve experienced something rare and wonderful, yet I ask myself if any woman will ever fall erotically in love with me. What would your advice be to heal this wound?
2. Is there any Catholic teaching concerning body hair? Is it immoral to be waxed in certain places, considering that it involves exposing oneself to the person doing the waxing? Secondly, I'm in law school and learning about criminal procedure. One of my classes was discussing a rape case and having to collect semen samples from several different suspects. That led to me pondering the morality of collecting semen samples, also like for medical purposes, and what a Catholic approach to that would be in light of our teachings.
3. My husband and I have been married for 20 years, have four kids, and have always used natural family planning. I recently heard on a Catholic podcast that any type of making out is sinful unless it is meant as foreplay and must end in intercourse. I always thought foreplay was morally permissible as long as it does not lead to climax by either person or incomplete sexual intercourse. Could you please clarify? I would hate to think we've been offending God our whole marriage but would rather be corrected now than never.

Healing After Birth, Overcoming P*rn Shame in Marriage, and Making Theology of the Body Accessible | ACW322

March 3rd, 2025  |  49 mins 53 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. I recently gave birth to our first baby. My plan going in was to have a natural, unmedicated birth. There's something beautiful, especially from a Catholic perspective, about the pain of childbirth that brings new life into the world, a reflection of Christ's suffering on the cross. Many of my Catholic friends have had this type of birth, and I came across a lot of women on social media who advocate for this type of birth, saying, "Your body was made for this." This was my plan, but of course, nothing goes according to plan, especially when it comes to labor. I ended up getting an epidural and going on Pitocin after a stalled 24-hour labor. I was really disappointed, and when I tell others about my labor and how I got an epidural, I feel a sense of shame and guilt that I took the easy way out, that I couldn't do it without medication, that I did something wrong in not allowing my body to birth on its own. Now I'm one of those moms who had a hospital medicated birth and not a natural birth. Can theology of the body help me come to terms with my medicated birth and see the beauty of my body and what it can do even in this type of birth?
2. If you read this, I am desperate. My wife is so hurt, and I do not know what to do because I'm the one who hurt her. Years of pornography use coming out, facing up to it. We're trying to heal, but I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to about this in my real life. I'm incredibly angry with my parents for not helping me when I was younger. I'm angry with myself for not fessing up to it sooner and being afraid to face it. I stopped masturbation years ago, but it was only more recently that I truly began to be honest with my wife about what was going on in the past. And the hurt is so painful. We have a 2-year-old and another on the way. Please pray for our family. Bless you.
3. My sister purchased your TOB intro video series and has since facilitated the course, bringing it to over 100 people. I've started reading all about John Paul II. He's amazing, and we'd both love to learn theology of the body in more depth and continue to spread it to others. I purchased a few TOB books to circulate among friends. However, it's quite pricey to buy books and to seek studying TOB courses ourselves. So I'm wondering whether you ever have sponsorship available for study or discounts for buying bulk resources such as books. I'm especially thinking about my sister as she's very intelligent and passionate about TOB, as well as being a gifted coordinator. I think she's seriously considering and praying about getting involved in TOB ministry for the future. This year she'll be busy completing her theology bachelor's degree. I know she'd love to hear if you have any advice on where she should complete future study, or if there are any courses which are on the cheaper side of things she could fundraise for. If nothing else, be encouraged by the ripple effects of your ministry. God's brought it all the way to us in New Zealand, and a large group of Protestants and cradle Catholics are captivated by the beauty of TOB, catalyzing them to seek out the Catholic faith with a genuine excitement to know the good news.

Fantasies in the Marriage Bed, Finding God in Ice Cream, and Redeeming of Arousal | ACW321

February 24th, 2025  |  54 mins 57 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’m a woman in my 40’s and I’ve found it difficult to get in the mood with my husband unless I create fantasies in my head. These fantasies are usually of sexual situations I create that don’t involve my husband or in many cases even me. I’ll picture two nameless people in an intimate act. Sometimes one party is using another party or the other party is cheating on his wife with a beautiful young woman. Before I was serious about my faith I had looked at porn although it was rare, and my sexual history was not good; multiple parters out of wedlock, using and being used, contraception, and other things. I hate that I have these fantasies because I want the union with my husband to be holy. However, either I create the fantasies to get in the mood or if I push those fantasies away I find sex boring and just another item on my to do list. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think about when in the marital embrace. I feel like my mind has been so warped by the culture that it is hard to move forward. Can you help my mind and these fantasies during the marital embrace? What should I be thinking about?
2. I’ve heard you say that it’s important not to stop at the window. Meaning not to let the icons in our lives become idols where we expect from them what only God can be for us. I love the emphasis on finding windows to the divine in our life and how many of these can lead us towards rather than detract us from our relationship with God. How can this be applied on a practical day to day basis?
3. For most of my life I’ve had a warped view of the natural experience of erections. I’ve been told that it’s meant to be immediately relieved, that it’s meant to be pleasurable, but most of all that it’s shameful and dirty. As I’ve gotten deep into my faith and discovered TOB I’ve wrestled with what new redeemed definition this experience could have. Could it be that this rising of my body could be the desire of my heart and soul to rise to the occasion of loving well and the desire to physically give myself to someone else?

Love in an Abusive Marriage, Confessing Lust as a Woman, and “Same-Sex Vocation” | ACW320

February 17th, 2025  |  48 mins

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. Shortly after we got married, my husband became verbally and physically abusive. There’s such a disconnected between his professed love for me and the lived reality of our marriage. As his abusive behavior has continued, I’ve found myself walling off my heart more and more. Intellectually I know that a covenantal relationship with God is different and I need to remain open but it feels like my heart has stopped believing it. Many days I feel like if marriage reflects how God loves us then I’m sick of “being loved”. How can I stay open to the beautiful promises of the eternal wedding feast when its early foretaste is ugly and painful?
2. Recently I was in confession and I said that at times I am “lustful”. The priest asked me to be more specific and as a woman I felt very uncomfortable being more specific. After confession I was reflecting on it more and realized maybe I do need to be more specific so the priest understands what exactly I’m confessing. Typically how I feel when I engage in this sin is when I see an attractive man that’s not my husband, I may find myself aroused by him and let myself entertain the idea of him to much. Also at times I see my intentions for coming together with my husband are not fully pure and there might be some selfish, lustful desires there. Many times I stop myself and do not suggest coming together with my husband to avoid using him. Is there a more concise yet specific way of confessing these sins without giving all these details? Is there a name for these sins? I want to be accountable but understand that priests are fallen men too and I want to be prudent especially because I’m a young woman.
3. What would your advice be for two catholics with same sex attraction who want to adhere to the teachings of the Church who believe it is their vocation to be life partners romantically but not sexually?

Bodily Functions in Eden, Navigating Endometriosis, and Finding Confidence in Disability and Masculinity | ACW319

February 10th, 2025  |  44 mins 19 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. In the state of original innocence did Adam & Eve experience bodily functions like defecation and urination? If so, how would these have aligned with their original harmony and the perfection of creation. Sometimes these functions are uncomfortable or even painful.
2. For almost a year now I’ve been in a beautiful catholic relationship. We both love God and our faith and want to follow the Church’s teaching in our relationship. We’re discerning marriage at the moment and we’re navigating through the obstacles. I’m 21 now and since I was 13 I’ve had endometriosis with heavy symptoms. I’ve tried many treatments over the years with little success. One year ago, after a lot of inner battles I started taking a birth control pill. Since them I’m almost symptom free. If we were to get married in the next year, it wouldn’t be responsible for us to have children right away because we’re both still in college for at least 2 and a half years. If I would stop taking the pill and start NFP that would mean a lot of pain and a great burden for my daily life. I’m extremely afraid of this scenario. Could you shed some light into this confusion?
3. I have a physical disability that prevents me from driving and being handy and limits my ability to provide physical protection. I hear so often about how women want men with these traits so they feel safe to express their femininity. I want to trust that God will help me find someone but I get discouraged thinking about how my disability limits me in fulfilling natural female desires. How should I make myself worthy of a kind, affectionate and loyal woman given my disability.

Rehabilitating Sexual Desire, Pelvic Health Practice, and Embracing Masculinity | ACW318

February 3rd, 2025  |  53 mins 18 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’m 21, finishing up college soon and have been fighting for the past 6 years to overcome an addiction to porn and masturbation that started when I was first exposed to porn in 4th grade. The past 2 years have been especially tumultuous with lots of victory and defeat. However I believe God has been allowing these setbacks in order to purify me in numerous ways. Recently I started going on dates with a good friend of mine. As a result, I’ve noticed two particularly concerning things in myself. 1: I feel like I’ve resigned myself to the fact that God is the only one who would ever accept me. I can’t imagine someone knowing everything about me and still loving me fully. I want to be loved by more than just God but I see that as a fantasy. 2: I feel like my battle with porn has left me needing physical therapy for my sexual desire. I feel like I’ve been so hard against lust that I’ve lost the ability to experience sexual desire purely. Do you have any recommendations on how to rehabilitate my sexual desire?
2. I’m a physical therapist specializing in pelvic health. I see prenatal and postpartum women, postmenopausal women, and men who also may suffer from pelvic pain or pelvic surgery. This is a wonderful profession which also opens a door to see a lot of suffering and life challenges. In my work I meet people from all walks of life and belief systems who are experiencing pain and sometimes trauma. Lately I’ve been asking myself how I can best help people when the help they want is not in keeping with my catholic faith. These are matters around sex, gender and all the values and teachings that come with these. How do I practice and stay true to my faith. Can I treat them according to their goals and tell myself is between them and God or am I complicit in their sin?
3. How can I learn to embrace my masculinity in a healthy way when sometimes I do not feel like a complete normal man since I only have 1 testicle. I’ve always felt a little shy and inadequate even though I’ve excelled in many areas of life.

Wedding Hypocrisy, Mystery of Confession & Feminine Body, and Desire Gap Between Couples | ACW317

January 27th, 2025  |  50 mins 42 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’m discerning marriage with a wonderful girl and I discovered a hurt in my heart that I wasn’t fully conscious of. While growing up I was always scandalized and nauseated every time I perceived hypocrisy from others, especially in marriage celebrations. I knew that all the display of vanity that society prescribes is about appearance and virtue signaling to others. The spouses are expected to give some sort of public performance showing their great love story and fulfillment of personal projects. At the thought that I will have to live this I still get nauseated and angry. The whole process of preparing the celebration takes more than a year where I live. I wish I felt differently about it and I wish I could be a part of a community that lives and thinks differently about this. How can I heal?
2. A few months ago, I began to go to Confession every time I started my cycle but after attending the Marian Mystery Course, I wonder if there’s more truth to that practice than I originally thought. Is there or could there be a connection between a woman’s body going through a type of painful purification in order to receive her husband and conceive life to God’s church being called to purify their souls in confession in order to receive God’s gift of eternal life in the Eucharist.
3. I am a relationship therapist. I struggle when couples come to me regarding discrepancies in sex drive. Most often, the issue is that the man wants sex, the woman denies it and the man pouts and potentially becomes very upset. Do you have any thoughts about how I can help these couples?