Ask Christopher West

Mother’s Grief Meets God’s Presence, Ache of Unseen Love, and "That Sucks" | ACW316

January 20th, 2025  |  52 mins 10 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’m a mother of 5 living children. I’ve lost 2 daughters from miscarriage within the past year. My womb has become a tomb for 2 deeply desired little girls. I was unable to hold my baby girl after the first miscarriage, but my second loss occurred after 16 weeks. My body did not detect the loss and I was induced to deliver her at almost 20 weeks. She was perfectly formed and my husband and I were able to spend hours with her. A couple of days later when my milk came in, my own body was begging to give her what she needed. Death is the barrier between our bodies meeting each other’s needs as baby and mama. In between her birth and burial there was a time where I was able to hold her and had the most profound experience with the Holy Spirit I’ve ever live. This experience allowed me to praise God at a moment where that’s the least I wanted to do. My heart is torn out. Do you have any insight?
2. I’m struggling with a recurring issue: I’ll come to know or get acquainted with some girl who I will develop a crush on. From there I’ll start to dream about dating, marrying and creating a family with her. However this will usually give way to a sinking realization that not only will it very likely not come to pass but that she’ll be gone very soon and I’ll never see her again. I pray for these women hoping that in heaven I’ll be reunited with them. Is there anything else you’d recommend in this situation?
3. It recently dawned on me that saying “that sucks” likely originated from a vulgar sexual act. I’ve been using these words and casual speech with all sorts of people. Lately, I’ve been thinking about speaking modestly and wondering wether using this phrase might be sinful. I understand it would be rude and uncharitable to tell someone they suck, but if someone’s going through a tough time, can I in good conscience say to them “that sucks”? Is this an expression I should avoid saying? Could you shed some light on this topic?

Contraception Conflicts in Marriage, Healing from Sexual Abuse for Men, and Restoring Intimacy After Pregnancy | ACW315

January 13th, 2025  |  52 mins 9 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

1. I’m a part of a pro-life non-profit organization. Even though my journey began in 2015, it was only recently that I discovered the potentially abortive nature of many contraceptives leading me to remove my IUD. I’m married to a good husband. Unfortunately, he believes that society’s message that even within marriage the responsible thing to do is to use contraception when not ready. He understands that contraception and IUDs are immoral because they can be abortive. When I told him that I want to eliminate all forms of contraception, he got mad at me and told me that I’m becoming an extremist.
2. I’m a victim of sexual abuse as a child and as a young adult. I know I’m called to marriage but I worry that when I do get there I will be less of a gift to my bride and that the marital embrace will not be what it should be due to the innocence that was taken from me. What advice do you have for me as a man to face this with Mary and continue to open myself to Jesus’ redemption when I feel almost unredeemable?
   
3. I got married 3 years ago and we have a little boy. I became pregnant soon after we were married and while the pregnancy wasn’t incredibly difficult, it did have its challenges. Because of this, I fear looking back that my husband and I didn’t learn to communicate or how to love each other well physically. Going into marriage, I believe that it was right to make love when the woman wasn’t fully ready, and I certainly never was during pregnancy. However, after giving birth, it became extremely difficult and almost traumatic. And it became nearly impossible to come together. I actually felt terrible sadness, resentment and anger. I have overcome much of this but I still feel hurt form those years. For women who dread making love or don’t enjoy it, how can a husband and wife help each other understand the other and approach this problem lovingly?

Shame on Men's Body Parts, Language of the Marital Union, and Desire for Wisdom of the Saints | ACW314

January 6th, 2025  |  53 mins 56 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

1. How are men supposed to understand this sudden obsession with p*nis size and measurements? How can one deal with the shame society places on certain male body parts?
2. I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for just over a year now. I’m a Catholic and he is not. He is open and respectful even though he expressed he would wait for me until marriage. I ultimately decided that somehow I was okay with engaging in non-marital sexual relations with him. I realized I had fallen and went to confession. Since then, I’ve been listening to your podcast and others in TOB and now I’m confident that my love for him supersedes any immediate desire for sex. I want marriage to be our expression of dedication and openness to the responsibilities that come with that union and only there is where our bodies truly reflect that covenant. While my partner sees that non-marital relations are a way in which he can express his love, he's once again willing to wait until marriage but the reality is that I’m having a hard time explaining why marriage is the only place where I want to express that. Do you have any advice?
3. What should I do with my strong desires to know the saints when I feel like I’ll never grasp their wisdom in this life?

Protestants & Catholics, Sharing Your Past with Your Children, & STORY TIME WITH WENDY! | ACW313

December 30th, 2024  |  40 mins 19 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

1. How can Catholics and students of TOB help bridge the gap when protestants and Catholics read a different set of books of the Bible?
2. My fiancé & I had some intense experiences as teenagers. I was rped as a child and that broke me so much that I was consuming prn from a very young age and had an active and uncontrolled sx life. I felt particularly alone in this matter because growing up all I ever heard was that prn was a boys problem. It took me 10 years to talk about these issues with my parents. My parents never shared with us what their battles and failures were before they became our parents. They seemed to perfect for me to be vulnerable. My fiancé was on drugs as a teen. He recently spoke with his parents about that issue and shared that he could resonate with my experience. Should we in the future as parents open up our past with our sons and daughters? Should we be that open? Could it turn against us?
3. Wendy shares a story

Attracted to Younger Men, Sacramentality of Marriage, and Woman Created for Man | ACW312

December 23rd, 2024  |  55 mins 33 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

1. I strive for holiness and go to daily Mass & Rosary but from past wounds I’ve realized that my wounded interior girl longs to be loved, recognized & accepted by men. For this reason I tend to love men much younger than me. I also have disordered feelings and thoughts toward men that strive for holiness like priests & seminarians. I feel ashamed and reject myself for feeling this. How can I deal with these feelings and passions and accept myself in my brokenness?
2. In your podcast you said that the union between man and woman in this life is a sign pointing to the union of people & God in the next and when we get to heaven we will no longer need the sign. This makes sense but at the same time, does that mean that marriage has no objective value in itself? If I get married, am I supposed to say to my wife that our relationship is only a means for me to become closer to God or only a sign towards something else? If I really fall in love with someone and marry her, how could I wish to stop being married after I die? If people only get married because we view it as a temporary part of our journey to heaven then it seems like we’re using the other person instead of valuing them for their own sake but if we value the person for their own sake and not just for the religious significance then wouldn’t we want to still be together in heaven?
3. Could you share some TOB light on 1 Corinthians 11:9 and the verses surrounding it. What does it mean that the woman was created for the man and not the other way around? As a newly married woman, how can this speak to how I view my role as a wife?

The 4 Identity Ruptures, 5 Years Since Last Union, and Selfishness Sinkhole | ACW311

December 16th, 2024  |  44 mins 18 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:


1. Did John Paul II identify the 4 ruptures?
2. My husband and I have been married for over 35 years. We’ve been through very difficult challenges in our married life and my body is not capable of intercourse. It’s been 5 years since our last union. Why do I feel shame about myself and my inability to give what I don’t have? What does the Bible mean with the words “give himself up for her” from Ephesians 5?
3. I’m a 27 yo man who has never been in a romantic relationship. What bothers me is that I’ve never had a desire to be in a relationship. Seems like this lack of desire for a relationship partly stems from selfishness. How can I work towards becoming less selfish and truly seek the good that can be found in union with another person?

The Unbaptized in the Body of Christ, Healing After ED, and Appreciating "Sexual Values" | ACW310

December 9th, 2024  |  54 mins 40 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

Questions answered this episode:


1. How do unbaptized people fit into the body of Christ?
2. My husband and I are new Catholics. We both have a past in regards to sexual sin. While dating we frequently had to stop ourselves in times of passion and it seemed like he was always aroused when we were together. Then we got married and all of that went away. He never wanted to have sex in the earlier part of our marriage while I did. 2 and a half years later we have significantly decreased the frequency of our union. How can we seek healing and move forward and grow closer together in this?
3. I’m constantly worried about looking lustfully. I want to be able to appreciate sexual beauty as you describe in one of your YouTube videos but I’m afraid that opening myself to that can lead to lust. Could you explain these topics deeper?

True Chastity, Labor Pains After Baptism, and Beauty in the Life of a Christian | ACW309

December 2nd, 2024  |  40 mins 52 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

1. I’ve been fighting the good fight for chastity and I was managing well but it’s become much more difficult now that I have a girlfriend. Do you recommend I break up with her?
2. If we are freed from original sin at our baptism, why do we still experience labor pains?
3. What is the role of beauty in the life of a Christian? How can beauty help me deepen my relationship with God?

Healing the Martial Embrace If I Experienced Sexual Abuse, Looking Away from Immodest Women, Receptivity as a Man | ACW308

November 25th, 2024  |  44 mins 59 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

1. I’m familiar with what the TOB teaches about the marital embrace and the mutual self giving that occurs there. It’s difficult to understand this in my heart. Prior to marriage I experienced multiple episodes of sexual abuse. I engage in relations with my husband to be a gift to him. I know it is important to love him in that way. However in my heart it doesn’t feel like a gift to me. It’s only a reminder of how my body has been used by other people. When people talk about this being a pleasurable experience, their words sound non-sensical to me. Then I feel guilt and shame because I don’t experience these as I “should”. Do you have any advice?
2. If a woman is dressed inappropriately, shouldn’t I look away?
3. In the union in one flesh, should the man because of what he represents always be focusing on making his wife feel loved or is it okay sometimes to focus on receiving? Would that distort the sign he’s called to represent?

Making Peace with Girlfriend’s Past, True Respect in the Bedroom, & Favorite Musicians in Heaven | ACW307

November 18th, 2024  |  52 mins 21 secs

catholic, catholic answers, catholic podcast, catholic questions, christian, christopher west, faith formation, faith questions, john paul ii, jpii, theology of the body, theology of the body institute

1. I’m a 21 year old college student. I’m struggling to make peace with my girlfriend’s sexual past. I’ve experienced healing but remain very wounded. My girlfriend repents of her past but has also lied to me about some of the details she has shared. Some of those details I find deeply troubling. On the one hand, I understand we should show mercy, embrace the wounds of those we love and remind them that they are not defined by their mistakes. On the other hand, I can’t help but feel disgusted. I’m invaded with thoughts of her past actions and I feel no desire for her any more. I want to love her well but I can’t seem to overcome this. Do you have any advice?
2. I’m 48 and in the world of dating after divorce and annulment. While I know that life & pregnancy is the purpose of the marital embrace, at my age it is unlikely to happen. How do I convey that to someone who is likely thinking that at our age the act is purely for pleasure. Is it enough for a spouse to just “respect me in the bedroom”?
3. How do you pray for your favorite musicians? How can heaven be heaven if there’s a possibility of my favorite musicians not being there?